It is my belief, naive as it may be, that, in spite of everything, human beings are inherently good and decent at their very core. We all have within ourselves the capacity for decency, and almost all of us at least attempt to be civil towards most of the people we meet.
And then there’s Chris Brown.
I hesitate to write about this because I’ve done the whole “Chris Brown is an anger monster comprised entirely of human feces” post before. Is there really anything to be added to the subject? And there isn’t, really. Nobody’s really arguing against the point that Chris Brown is the worst human being on the planet and is absolute proof of the non-existence of karma and/or justice. So it doesn’t really seem like there’s anything left to mine from that particular subject. You would think that. But you would be wrong.
So that’s Chris Brown, who is apparently Dennis Rodman now, which just makes sense when you think about it. But do you notice anything different about our friend Chris Brown? A new shirt, perhaps? Has he lost weight? Actually, he got a new tattoo. It’s right there on his neck. Do you see it? If you do, have you already hit your monitor with your fist like I just did? I hope so. I’d like to think you and I are communicating with one another on equal levels of visceral disgust towards this man.
So what exactly are you supposed to be outraged by? Well, maybe this will help.
Yeah, hey, what a coincidence! Chris Brown’s tattoo looks just like what he did to Rihanna’s face that one time! Do you remember – it was on all the blogs and the newspapers – how he viciously punched and choked his then-girlfriend Rihanna in their car when she tried to call for help, and then ran into the night like some kind of a deranged lunatic, leaving her alone and badly beaten in the passenger’s seat. His tattoo looks eerily similar to what Rihanna looked like after Chris Brown’s fist was done with her. I wonder if anyone’s pointed that out to him yet.
- “His tattoo is a sugar skull (associated with the Mexican celebration of the Day of the Dead) and a MAC cosmetics design he saw,” Brown’s rep told TMZ. “It is not Rihanna or an abused woman as erroneously reported.”
Oh, of course. It’s a sugar skull and a MAC cosmetics design. That explains everything. Perhaps it would have helped if Mr. Brown, when he was visiting his local tattoo parlor, had clearly stated to the tattoo artist on shift at the time that “I have this design of a sugar skull and a MAC cosmetics design in mind, but whatever you do, maybe don’t design it so that it looks in any way like Rihanna’s face. Because can you imagine what a gigantic tool-bag that would me look like to the general public if you were to do that?”
But yeah, Chris Brown is not, as it was first appeared, tattooing the face of his girlfriend that he famously beat half to death several years ago as some sort of badge of pride of his contemptuous behavior. Instead, it’s just some other anonymous girl with half her face missing.
Our mistake, you know, thinking it was your ex-girlfriend’s beaten face you had permanently etched into your skin, when it was clearly just some other girl who you may or may not have beaten and choked. Whoopsie!
So conceding the point to Chris Brown, that he isn’t as big of a scum-sucking pig as it appears (although he quite clearly is), one thing that we can all agree upon is that his tattoo is seriously ugly. Right? That thing is grotesque. So why would anyone want to have that thing staring back at them in the mirror every day of their life? Unless it was to serve as a distraction from the soulless and hate-filled monstrous visage that stared back at him every day of his life before, a temporary distraction from looking into his own eyes reflected back at him and not recognizing the thing that he’d turned into.
Or maybe he’s just a punk. It’s hard to say.
Bismarck resident Erik Hagen is the author of the SodBlog and swears this will be the last time he will write about Chris Brown, until the next time he writes about Chris Brown. Send your drawings of Chris Brown with his face punched in for future tattoo usage to SodBlog@me.com or visit his website at SodBlog.com.